The Ins And Outs Of Marriage And Priorities

Seems I'm in a lonely boat. Not lonely in the sense that I am the only one in the world who's in this situation, but lonely in the sense that the roles usually are reversed. This doesn't make it less of a problem, though.

But if there's one thing being married has taught me, it's this: you can't make other people do what you want. You may want them to exercise and eat healthy but they won't always do it. You may even want them to, say, pick up their dirty socks or stop leaving 1,000 pairs of shoes by the door, but they won't do that either (not that I'm talking about anyone in particular). For some reason, these people we get involved with tend to make their own decisions. And that's part of the problem.

Lies!

About a year ago hubby expressed a desire to get in better shape. I thought it was a good idea and wanted to be supportive so I did it too. However, we chose different means to achieve said goal - he started going to the gym, I took up road biking. I've stuck with it for the past year and, started to compete in cycling events, and have commuted to work by bike ever since. He stuck with the gym for about three days and then went back to his old habits.

He has gained about 50 pounds over the past few years.

I've been trying to get him to bike with me, and we did bike together for a while - until the weather got cold and wet.



Look, I realize that the problem might be mostly mine. I'll admit that I'm a little... obsessed with biking. I love biking so much and I think that's affecting my brain to not being able to comprehend why other people might not love biking as much as I do. When it comes to biking, my husband and I aren't exactly bike compatible. I love – and live – to ride. Hubby? Not so much.

Me

Hubby

It's not all bad. Hubby has been very supportive of my biking and hasn't complained - even once - about the bike expenses. Tom Hardy was a birthday present from hubby purchased by me, but that was for practical reasons. A bike is a very personal thing, like buying a bra, where no one size fits all.

So yeah, at first glance this sounds a bit like a First World Problem, but here's where the rubber meets the road:

I'm not proud of my feelings, but I'm just not as attracted to him physically anymore because he is overweight. I'm also not attracted to him mentally because he isn't even trying and I'm frustrated with his lack of determination. I don't know what to do. Many people say to continue to be a good example and it will rub off on him... but that's clearly not working for hubby. I don't pressure or nag him to eat right or exercise but I do try to include him and ask him if he wants to go to biking. For the time being, it's just a thought and nothing actionable.