Monday, February 8, 2016

Flat Bike Tires Travel In However Many They F*cking Like And What BDSM And Inner Tubes Have In Common

Sounds about right
This post is dedicated to +Josh Ross .

Monday. As if that's not bad enough (kidding, I don't actually have anything against Mondays), I was met by another flat as I checked the bike prior to riding in this morning.

Yepp, another flat.


Just great.

Well, no time like the present to really learn the art of changing tires, so I decided to have a very local competition with myself to see if I could beat the half hour it took me Friday to change the tire - and get it 100% right this time around.

Since I couldn't get myself to believe that this was yet another random shard of glass (or mystery flat - like the one on Friday), I inspected the tire really, really thoroughly. I inflated the old inner tube - and lo and behold - there was a very detectable hole in it. I traced it back to the ballpark area on the tire and removed the tire completely. I then turned the tire inside out.

I felt the tire up and down like it was a cheap prom date - nothing - until I felt the world's tiniest piece of glass poking through. The sneaky bastard was so small I couldn't see it, just feel it. Obviously I had no idea whether it came out or not visually speaking, since all I could do was push in the general area to try and remove it. After some amount of prying, I couldn't feel anything anymore so I put the tire back on. Easier said than done.

The new inner tube was coated with talcum powder for easier tube change, but after battling with the tire I was more covered in talc than I have ever been in my entire life. It seems the inner tube manufacturer has taken a page from the BDSM crowd. I'll tell you why.

Rubber guy's outfit
Rubber inner tube - see the resemblance?
I once spent an evening in a kink club. I had been invited by some friends who wanted to spice things up, and I'm always down for an adventure so I said I'd tag along. As I was sitting in a sofa just observing the various people dressed in rubber or nothing, a buy who was suited up in all rubber sat down next to me. He looked over at me.

Rubber guy: Do you like my outfit?

Me: How on earth did you get into that thing?

Rubber guy: *slightly confused over this turn of the conversation*

Me: I mean, as far as I can see there's only one entrance to your rubber suit and rubber must be very difficult to get into when you start sweating and all.

Rubber guy: I covered myself in talcum powder.

Me: Ooooo! That makes sense. That's really clever - but isn't it extremely warm in there?

Rubber guy stands up and leaves.

Not the wite powder you snort
Apparently these are not the questions to be asked when a guy all dressed in rubber sits down next to you, but what this conversation taught me is that rubber covered in talc is easier to squeeze into other things. Or vice versa.

So after a whole lot of swearing, I got the tire back on. Massaged it +Seb K style to ensure it wouldn't go *bump* *bump* like last time. This massaging resulted in me being covered in even more talc.

Oh, and that very local competition with myself - I won. 20 minutes! Flat! (haha, very punny).

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