The Ostrich Factor

First let me say this: I'm scared.

I usually live under a rock when news are concerned. I don't usually watch news, nor do I look for it online. I will watch it briefly in the mornings now but that's mainly to catch up on the weather (even though it hasn't at all been reliable), but beyond those 10 minutes around 6:15am I have no clue about the ongoings of the world around me. This Friday was no exception.

I found out about Paris through Insta. Someone had posted this picture, and based on the comments I quickly realized something bad had happened.

I turned to CNN because who else can you trust to cover catastrophes but them and their ever present sensation hunger. Well, we all know what took place in Paris by now, but now there's Germany and people placing bombs in ambulances.

The world has gone mad.

I feel a growing urge not to want to know anything more. I don't want to hear about the horrors of the world. Oh, I know full well that people are capable of the most unimaginably cruel acts. I know the world can be evil.

I recall being so mad at my mother for walking out of a room if there was even the slightest reference to the Holocaust. I accused her of contributing to repetition and her unwillingness to remember was almost equal to denying it had taken place at all. I now understand her because I too am filled with an overwhelming urge not to want to see and hear anymore. There's just too much. My heart is full of sadness and fear instead of love and optimism.

Look, I know full well that evil like what happened in Paris takes place every single day in some places and I know that those acts are equally horrific and tragic. I just don't have it in me to feel the same dread and horror as I do right now in the aftermath of the Paris tragedy. My tiny heart just isn't big enough to hold it all and I'll admit that it's easier to sympathize with something that one can relate to culturally.

So now I find myself wanting to stick my head in the sand and pretend the last few days never happened and allow for my heart to heal. I might just get one of these:

 

After Utøya in 2011, one of the surviving victims said this: If one man can show so much hate, think how much love we could show together. This phrase gives me hope and that's all one can do after all - hope.