Tuesday, January 5, 2016

The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Lube

I'm currently lubing the chain every week, yet somehow it doesn't appear to be often enough anymore. It's as if lube fairies came during the night and stole the lube off the chain. Lube fairies. Hmmm... I think it sounds better if I call them lube gnomes. Or not. None of the names sound particularly good. The point still remains, regardless of the name, that somehow the lube always magically disappears. Over night.

I imagine this is the lube fairies headquarters
I lubed the chain less than a week ago, but this morning it was protesting loudly. And it shifts weird. It's like my bike is saying, "Thanks a lot for not lubing me up last night." And that also sound more like it should be a line in a porno than a conversation between my bike and me. So in between the name of whomever is stealing my lube and my bike squawking to me about it, I now have what could be a good start of a porno script.

And since we've already established that my calling isn't in writing movie scripts, writing porno scripts might be more in my lane since there really isn't much conversation in that genre.

As I briefly checked the tires for glass this morning, I removed a sticky ball of fur from the rear. I didn't inspect it too closely because ignorance sometimes is bliss. I doubt I biked over a squirrel without noticing, but one can never be certain. And speaking of balls - I have started to take pictures of random balls. Don't ask me why. I told my friends what I've started doing and one of them sent me this:

E.T. phone home will never be the same
Currently I'm shopping for tools to bring along daily so I won't be stranded again. My initial thought was to wait for warmer weather, but last week's deflategate was so annoying that I'm motivated to figure out how to fix a flat. I mean, it can't be that hard. I'm a fairly intelligent person, and while I'm no bike mechanic, fixing a flat should be within my scope of capabilities.

What? Am I a mechanic? I'm not scraping my window
This was my old way of thinking, but not being able to fix a flat is kind of like driving without knowing how to start a car. So here's to learning how to fix a flat. Sure, I could show some leg and most likely get some guy to help me out, but it's too cold for any skin exposure so I suppose I have to do it myself.

This is the state my bike is in after being cleaned yesterday. Cleaning my bike these days seems almost as futile as emptying the ocean with a teaspoon. Notice how I don't have bike tools but a water bottle. In case I do get another flat (knock on wood) before I learn how to do the whole changing thing, at least I will be well hydrated. I also put the interim rear fender back on, but it's broken so it's not doing much other than flapping about.

But all of that won't take place until after I lube my wheel. And maybe I'll install a camera in the garage so I can catch the thieves in the act.

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