Thursday, March 24, 2016

How Bike Chick Learned The Virtue Of Patience At Costco

The rain thing is no longer charming or funny or pleasurable. I hate the way my pants go "swoosh swoosh" and I hate wearing that portable sauna also called rain jacket.

I'm not asking for much. Not an entire month. Just a week. One week of sunshine and short sleeves.

I'm too invested to quit biking so that's not an option to change status quo, so the only option left is for the rain to stop.

Why this sudden burst of bike hating? Come to think of it, I think I like hating on stuff as much as I like biking. And Tom Hardy.

There are times like these I have to remind myself why I love biking so much or optionally just let my body go on auto. Besides I need biking these days as I have tons on my mind and a big decision to make. I have two solid offers from great employers with tons of opportunity for growth but the thing is - I know that I have it good where I am as well. I am bored - yes, but these people treat me well and that's nothing to sneeze at. I know too well what it's like to work with real assholes. A certain cardiovascular surgeon is at the top of my shit list.

Speaking of assholes. Apparently, it was "Asshole Day" at Costco (which is always, really). As I pulled into the parking lot in the pouring rain, I noticed a woman just getting into her car which was parked right up front, near the store. Great parking karma and all that I thought and pulled up near her, put on my blinkers and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited some more. I could see her rooting around inside the car. Didn't she understand that time is precious and that I wasn't getting any younger?!?!?

I got increasingly annoyed. Unless you have some weird Costco fetish and are in desperate need to rub one out to scratch that itch, there is absolutely no valid reason why you need to tinker around in your car for several minutes when other people are waiting. I didn't get the Costco fetish vibe from the woman in the car, ergo zero excuses for robbing me of my youth.

After waiting a couple of more minutes, I honked my horn. She glanced back, looked at me, then continued doing what she was doing. Just as I was getting ready to lose my shit, I saw a man heading towards the car opposite the asshole in the first car, so I pulled up directly behind the asshole car, put my blinkers on the other way and waited for the guy to move. He had a huge cart filled with Costco loot, but by then I was in no hurry anymore so I leaned back and waited.

Of course, by then, the asshole in the first car was done with whatever needed doing and was ready to leave. Well, I was in no position to move or I would lose the parking spot to my right so I ignored her small honks.

As I was sitting there in my new found meditative state, I heard tapping on my window. It was asshole lady. I rolled down my window and gave her the "can I help you?" look. "Would you mind moving your car so I can get out?" she said. I explained that since she hadn't moved for several minutes, I'd assumed she had decided to stay. She looked slightly embarrassed and mumbled something about things she had needed to do in the car before she pulled out. (Like knitting a scarf or growing a tree?) I assured her, with a smile reserve for asshole patients, that I'd be happy to move right out of her way - as soon as I could pull into the space ahead. She stared at me for a moment and then, apparently having decided she didn't want to engage in a full-on brawl in the middle of the Costco parking lot in the rain (the only other option), she retreated back to the safety of her vehicle.

And no, she wasn't driving a Prius - the new Hummer, whose only good thing is that having one saves you from going door to door telling everyone in your neighborhood that you're an asshole. The Prius has an added bonus: you don't have to announce that you're vegan. All though, being vegan doesn't come with a limitation on announcements.

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