Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Ride A Bike, They Said. It Will Make You Calmer, They Said

I am not a very calm person by nature.

Say whaaat?!?!? You must be joking, said no one ever.

I'm not saying I'm an anger ball who flies off the handle at everything and nothing, but I can be slightly uhm.. how shall I put this... quick on the jumping-to-conclusion button at times. Not saying I won't admit I'm wrong - that stage follows eventually - but I tend to jump to worst intentions first. Historically, you don't want to drive in the car with me if you have a sensitive and delicate soul.

I started biking because I didn't want to end up a lard ball. You know, like those balls they make for birds.

A nutty lard ball
Very fitting description for me - all fat and nuts.

Then someone told me that biking had made them a calmer person, and I thought to myself that this must be good for me. Decreasing the lard to human ratio and become calmer?

At first, I think I felt the calmness happen a little bit. Not so much anymore.

Me: an angry bird on a bike
I have become a road raging cyclist. Let me explain:

The biking in and of itself makes me happy - tranquil even at times, but overall biking is not a calming activity for me. I am road raging like never before.

It's all the stupidity and recklessness I encounter that make me angry, and not a calmer person whatsoever. Pedestrians are stupid, but at least I can just run them over. Especially the smaller pedestrians. Other bicyclists are stupid, and those I can not run over but at least I can shout at them and flip them off. Well, I could attempt to run them over, but the outcome might not go my way.

Cars on the other hand - now, that's a problem. People who drive cars are stupid. Period. Not because they pollute, but because they can kill me with their four-wheeled metal weapons. Sure, I can shout at them, but that's neither here nor there. Cars in general are stupid, but Prius is the worst of them all, besides, biking has made my Prius allergy act up in a big way.

Top two things that are wrong with the Pacific Northwest
I already hated Prius when I was driving. Biking, I find I'm being exposed to these whatever they are even more, and I can promise you that it's not contributing to my calm.

As far as I see it, the only good Prius is a Prius on fire.

At least this Prius can keep you warm
But I guess it could be worse:

It's clear all the vodka drinking and taking saunas have fucked up the Finnish people
I'd rather have my home burn down, thank you.
I digress, but I believe the above proves my point. Biking has not made me a calmer person. Quite the contrary.

Prius aside, a few other things while biking make my blood pressure rise as well.
  • Other people
  • Birds
  • Raccoons
  • Flowers
  • Trees
  • Air
  • Sunlight
  • Other people
Oh, wait, almost everything makes me angry. So I guess my anger has nothing to do with biking and everything to do with me.

In all seriousness, my point is that I don't think riding a bike changes a person fundamentally. If you, like me, have a porcupine type personality - biking is not going to change that. And I'm ok with that, as long as I can be a skinny bitch.

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