Thursday, March 31, 2016

Snails In Spandex

Goddamit! There are just too many idiots on the road! And I'm not referring to cars. The cars are the least of my problems. This nice weather brings with it a myriad of moronic cyclists and I want to punch every single one of them in their stupid faces. I can practically hear their imbecile thoughts as they look at the weather forecast and think to themselves, "Oooo, it's going to be sunny out so I better wriggle into my ridiculous spandex outfit and hop on a bike that will show everyone that I have far more money than intelligence and then I'm going to ignore every traffic law there is because I'm just that good."

No! You slow snail! You are not that good! You race me downhill with zero clearance, then speed up as you hear me gaining on you on flats and inclines, huffing and puffing and looking as if you're about to have a heart attack, but letting me pass you - hell, no! And it's going to get worse. I might have to move to the middle of nowhere.

Biking makes me so relaxed.

Two things are happening this weekend: I'm doing the Emerald City Bike Ride and I'm meeting my first person off Google+, so I guess I should say this to +Jessica Lucas - I'm not really this angry. And I promise you that I won't push anyone off their bikes. No matter how tempting.

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